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Yo mama's jokes Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked
on Phonics." Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah
Levi's?" Yo mama's so stupid, at bottom of application where it says Sign Here - she put Sagittarius. Yo
mama's so stupid, her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors. Yo mama's so stupid, her shoes say TGIF- toes go in
front. Yo mama's so stupid, when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino. Yo
mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod. Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her walking down
the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail. Yo mama's so stupid,
I taught her how to do the running man and I haven't seen the bitch since. Yo mama's so stupid, I told her Christmas
was just around the corner and she went looking for it. Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't
have enough to blow her nose. Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile
around the inside of a Fruit Loop. Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. Yo mama's
so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change. Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours
to watch 60 Minutes. Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice. Yo mama's so stupid, on
her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911. Yo mama's so stupid, she asked for a price check at
the dollar store. Yo mama's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911". Yo mama's so stupid,
she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home. Yo mama's so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they
closed. Yo mama's so stupid, she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box. Yo mama's
so stupid, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast. Yo mama's so stupid, she couldn't tell which way an elevator
was going if I gave her two guesses. Yo mama's so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find
the "11" button in "9-1-1" Yo mama's so stupid, she fell up the stairs. Yo mama's so stupid,
she gave your uncle a blowjob 'cause he said it'd help his unemployment. Yo mama's so stupid, she got a part time job
painting skittles. Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from a blow-job. Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from
the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's. Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a cup and told the police that
she got mugged. Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car. Yo mama's so stupid, she got shot running
to the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial. Yo mama's so stupid, she had Dan Quayle check her spelling.
Yo mama's so stupid, she invented a solar powered flashlight. Yo mama's so stupid, she jumped out the window and went
up. Yo mama's so stupid, she married Yo daddy. Yo mama's so stupid, she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese." Yo mama's
so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done. Yo mama's so stupid, she put a peephole in a glass door. Yo mama's
so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball to come out. Yo mama's so stupid, she put
a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept. Yo mama's so stupid, she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum.
Yo mama's so stupid, she ran out of gas leaving Texaco. Yo mama's so stupid, she said "what's that letter
after x" and I said Y she said "Cause I want to know". Yo mama's so stupid, she sent me a fax with a
stamp on it. Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money. Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the house to
pay the mortgage. Yo mama's so stupid, she stands up on an empty bus. Yo mama's so stupid, she studied for a
blood test and failed. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor. Yo mama's so
stupid, she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Christmas
Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! Yo mama's so
stupid, she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying!
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks
Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company. Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest. Yo mama's so
stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a
refund. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought asphalt was a skin disease. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Boyz2Men
was a daycare center. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people. Yo mama's
so stupid, she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another
person. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the VCR. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought
meow mix was a record for cats. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought she could get food stamps at the post office.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Thailand was
a men's clothing store. Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood. Yo mama's
so stupid, she thought the Internet was something you catch fish with. Yo mama's so stupid, she told everyone that
she was "illegitimate" because she couldn't read. Yo mama's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took lessons for a player piano. Yo mama's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge
and chose Jiff. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot. Yo mama's
so stupid, she tried to drown a fish. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown herself in a carpool. Yo mama's
so stupid, she tried to insult you and started with "Yo mama's so..." Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to mail
a letter with food stamps. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to melt squeeze Parkay. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried
to steal a free sample. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone. Yo mama's
so stupid, she tried to throw a bird off a cliff. Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone. Yo mama's so stupid, she used a vibrator for an egg beater.
Yo mama's so stupid, she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death. Yo mama's so stupid, she was on
the corner giving out potato chips yellin' "Free Lays!" Yo mama's so stupid, she went on Double Dare and
when they asked her name she said "I think I'll take the physical challenge." Yo mama's so stupid, she went
to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Yo mama's
so stupid, she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear. Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed.
Yo mama's so stupid, she wiped her ass before she took a shit. Yo mama's so stupid, she wouldn't know up from
down if she had three guesses. Yo mama's so stupid, the bitch snuck on the bus and paid to get off. Yo mama's
so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth. Yo mama's so stupid, they had to burn
the school down to get her out of 3rd grade. Yo mama's so stupid, when asked on an application, "Sex?", she
marked, "M, F, and sometimes Wednesday too." Yo mama's so stupid, when her husband lost his marbles she bought
him new ones. Yo mama's so stupid, when I asked her if she wanted to play one on one, she said "Ok, but what's
the teams?" Yo mama's so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. Yo
mama's so stupid, when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds like this... Vroom, Screech, Vroom, Screech.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line, she put "O.K."
Yo mama's so stupid, when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around. Yo mama's
so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends. Yo mama's
so stupid, when she took you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she went by the YMCA she said "Hey, they spelled Macy's wrong." Yo mama's so stupid,
when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. Yo mama's so stupid, when she worked at McDonald's
and someone ordered small fries, she said "Hey Boss, all the small one's are gone." Yo mama's so stupid,
when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved. Yo mama's so stupid, when the judge said "Order in
the court," she said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke." Yo mama's so stupid, when they said they were
playing craps she went and got toilet paper. Yo mama's so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran
outside with a spoon. Yo mama's so stupid, you can make her eyes twinkle by shining light in her ears. Yo mama's
so stupid, you can tell when she's used the computer because there's White Out all over the screen.
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Pickup lines
- Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"
- Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
- As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
- As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!
- At the Laundromat, "How much bleach should I put in with my good suit?"
- Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want
to call your mother and thank her.
- Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
- Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
- Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? {Wait for answer} "Yeah, and I could show you how to
get one more?"
- Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
- Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
- Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
- Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
- Do you have any Irish in you? (if no) Would you like some? (if yes) Want some more?
- Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
- Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
- Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?
- Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
- Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo system at home!
- Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
- Does your boyfriend know where you are?
- Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
- Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us.
- Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
- Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?
- Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink.
- Have you heard the latest piece of medical knowledge saying that Sex is a real killer? Do you want to die happy?
- Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f-ck? (after she slaps you or leaves) HEY! What's wrong, don't you like
pizza?
- Hi there! Do you want to see something really swell?
- Hi!
- Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
- Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.
- Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
- Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
- Hi, my name's Dan. You might want to remember it now, because you'll be screaming it later!
- Hi. You'll do.
- Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine
sweetheart."
- How do you like your eggs cooked? [Why?] Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
- I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
- I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
- I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for
me?
- I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
- I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
- I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
- I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
- I seemed to have lost my way, would you mind taking me with you.
- I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
- I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
- I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
- If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?"
- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
- If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
- If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
- If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
- I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
- I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
- I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
- I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve.
- Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
- Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
- I've been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.
- I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
- I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
- Let's have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you?
- Lick your finger and touch the person, touch yourself with it and say, "Let's you and me get out of these wet clothes."
- May I flirt with you?
- My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
- Nice shoes. Wanna f-ck?
- Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven
has been brought to me.
- Overheard in our computer lab: Just because your computers are incompatible, doesn't mean we are.
- Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
- Say, did we go to different schools together?
- Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
- Sorry to bother you, but I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.
- Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, "Wanna
screw?"
- That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
- The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
- There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
- Use index finger to call someone over then say, "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole
hand."
- Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met
and say, "Come on, we're leaving." (The key is to act like you know them.)
- Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
- Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my contacts in wrong?
- What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper
- What's a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?
- Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
- Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?
- You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
- You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
- You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
- You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
- You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
- You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
- Stop. Drop. and Roll baby, 'cause you're on fire!
- You with all those curves, and me with no brakes!!
- Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have sex and I'll disappear in the morning.
- "Do you sleep on your stomach?" Their reply: Yes/No. "Can I?"
- Come over to my house and lets do math, subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and we'll multiply.
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